How To Stay Stuck (And 8 Tips To Get Unstuck)
Sometimes you want things to get better, but they’re not, and you feel stuck. But maybe things aren’t getting better because you aren’t doing what it takes to make things better. And if nothing changes, then nothing will change.
There may be aspects to staying stuck that are easier to do, feel more natural to you, or feel like the right thing to do; but if those things are keeping you stuck, the results speak for themselves – if it isn’t working for you, then it’s the wrong thing.
Or maybe you don’t know how to change. Whatever the reason for why you’re stuck, if you want to stay stuck in life, here are some things you can do.
How to stay stuck
Don’t think about the future
Don’t learn from mistakes
Reflect on how life has been unfair to you
Remind yourself daily of your mistakes
Make shame and self-blame constant companions
Compare yourself with others
Remind yourself and others of what you can’t do
Avoid responsibility at all cost
Identify who is to blame for where you’re at
Get revenge on those who offend you or hurt you
Hang on to regrets
Pretend that life is getting better even though it’s clearly not
Complain about everything
Do things that aren’t good for you
Throw a pity party when things don’t go your way
Let your emotions rule your actions
View temporary problems as permanent
Keep doing the same things over and over and expect different results
Avoid books, videos, music, and people who might inspire you
Only associate with people who are stuck, too
Don’t look at things from any perspective other than your own
How many of those are you successfully doing? I know it’s a tongue-in-cheek list, but it’s amazing how many people are doing those things and not realizing it’s what’s keeping them stuck. So, now that you see what’s keeping you stuck, here’s what you can do instead so that you don’t stay stuck.
How to get unstuck
1. Have a vision
Without a vision, people don’t prosper. In order to have a better life, you have to know what a better life looks like. Identify what you want to feel like, look like, and act like. Consider what you’d like your job to be like, you home life to be like, and your social life to be like. What do you enjoy doing? What activities do you want to try? Imagine what you’d like your life to be like so that you can know what you’re working toward. Those without a vision will fail.
2. Don’t be afraid to start
A lot of people say they want to improve their lives, but they aren’t doing what it takes to get there. Sometimes they don’t know how, don’t know where to look for “how,” or are overwhelmed by the thought of having to change. But that’s the starting point for change. If you can get over the hump of being afraid to start, you’ve done the hardest part. If you want to change you have to stop doing things that aren’t working and start doing things that do. This includes being honest with yourself and others, surrounding yourself with people who are farther along than you are and learn from them, and seeking out resources that help you think about yourself and your life.
3. Be purposeful
It’s going to be difficult to feel like you’re progressing when you spend each day doing the same things. Hoping that things will get better is not the same as doing things that will make things better. As it’s been said “a goal without a plan is just a wish.” When you live with intentionality, you get things done. Have a written plan for each day with small goals you want to accomplish that will move you along toward your bigger goals and the life you envision for yourself.
4. Consider your motivation
It can help to identify what is motivating you. Sometimes people are motivated by what they think others want them to do or be. This is a losing proposition. You won’t find satisfaction in working toward someone else’s dream for your life. You also won’t succeed when your motivation is external. For example, if you’re motivated to stay busy because that’s what you think will keep you sober or you’re doing things to make your mother happy. External motivation might get you start something, but you need to be internally motivated in order to succeed at it long-term. Internal motivation comes from aligning your behavior with your values. What is important to you? What does your behavior reveal is important? What needs to shift inside of you?
5. Get out of your comfort zone
You might be comfortable doing the same things and hoping for different results, but the results speak for themselves. If what you’re doing isn’t working, then you have to work it differently. The same apply to the people in your life. If you keep the same company but you aren’t growing with them in your life, you need to get around different people. This can be as simple (and free) as attending support group meetings, joining a community group, or attending a religious service. In order for things to be different, you have to do something different.
6. You are what you eat
In order for something to grow, it has to be nourished. And you are what you eat. Whatever you take into your mind forms who you are. If you are taking in negative shows, angry music, or depressing documentaries, don’t be surprised when you feel negative, angry, and depressed. If you want good things, you have to take in things that are good for you: inspiring books, podcasts, TED talks, spiritual practices, and mentors can feed your mind with good things. Growth doesn’t happen on it’s own. You have to intake the right things.
7. Don’t consume poison
Sometimes the things we’re taking in are poisoning us. Anything that gives off negative energy, gets bad results, or puts your health, relationships, financial status, or legal situation at risk can be a poison that makes things worse, not better, over time. Consider making changes in any of the following areas if they are poisoning you:
Relationships. If they are a source of stress, pressure, tension, conflict, or boredom in your life, it’s time for things to change.
Addictions (including non-substance addictions like porn, sex, gambling, shopping, eating, etc)
Counterproductive thoughts: self-criticism, justifying wrong behavior, guilt, shame, having a savior complex, people-pleasing – all of these (and many others) can sabotage your growth.
Bad habits (laziness, too much TV-watching, sleeping too much, etc)
8. Do the opposite of everything on the “stay stuck” list
Think about the future
Learn from mistakes
Reflect on how life has treated you well
Remind yourself daily of your successes
Make radical acceptance and positive vibes constant companions
Embrace who you are
Remind yourself if what you can do
Accept responsibility at all cost
Grieve where you’ve been and move forward
Forgive those who offend you or hurt you
Forgive yourself for regrets
Be realistic about whether things are getting better and act accordingly
Be grateful for everything
Do things that are good for you
Throw a moving-on party when things don’t go your way
Use your emotions as information to decide upon the right action
View temporary problems as temporary
Do something different to get a different result
Seek out books, videos, music, and people who might inspire you
Only associate with people who are where you want to be in life
Value the perspective you can get from others
Change is up to you
No one gets far by sitting around and waiting for something or someone to make things better. Take control of your life and pursue your future - or you might just stay stuck. If you’d like some help with this, call our office or get matched with a therapist on our website.