Managing Anxiety Without Alcohol, Drugs, Or Medication
Anxiety is one of the most uncomfortable feelings for people, and relief is sometimes sought through drugs or medication. But for those who experience the pounding heart, tight chest, inability to focus, the panicky feeling, irritability, restlessness, that unsettled feeling, and worry, anxiety is rarely the problem in and of itself. Rather, it’s a symptom – a symptom of stress, fear, and a sense of not having the control you’d like to have over your life. Anxiety is the effect of situations that you are having to deal with every day. But it’s not just that you have these situations and fears and stress and lack of control – it’s also that you don’t know how to process them in a way that helps reduce your body’s reaction to them.
Anxiety is a natural response. It activates a person’s body and brain to prepare you for action so that you can make it through something stressful or challenging. But when you don’t know how to manage the anxiety so that your body doesn’t over-react, you can find yourself stuck in endless thought loops or almost constant panic. That’s because anxiety triggers the fight, flight, freeze part of your brain. And your brain doesn’t judge the information it’s getting as accurate or inaccurate, it simply reacts. In the case of anxiety, it reacts by increasing heart rate and breathing, sending blood and oxygen to your large muscles to prepare you to flee, and activates adrenaline and cortisol to prepare you to fight.
Since your body’s response to stress or fear doesn’t judge the accuracy of the perceived threat, it’s important that you get the thinking part of your brain to step in and help discern the severity of the situation and initiate a reasonable response. Unfortunately, what happens when people don’t know how to do this is that the anxiety just takes over and the fight/flight/freeze part of your brain activates and doesn’t allow access to the thinking part of your brain.
The first stage to managing anxiety, then, is to manage your nervous system response so that you can get the thinking part of your brain to activate, since that is the part of the brain that will help provide perspective to the fight/flight/freeze part of your brain.
Managing your nervous system response (the fight/flight/freeze response) can be learned. Your nervous system reacts and tells your body what to do, but telling your body what to do can also provide information to your nervous system. So doing things that signal your nervous system to calm down can, in fact, calm down your nervous system so that your thinking brain can come back online.
Stage 1: Managing your nervous system
Here are some ways to send calming signals to your nervous system. This is the first stage of managing anxiety:
1. Breathe.
Fast or labored breathing is your nervous system’s fear response. Slowing down your breathing signals your nervous system that everything is OK. When you feel anxious, inhale slowly for 4 seconds, then hold your breath for 4 seconds, then exhale for 4 seconds, then hold it for 4 seconds before inhaling again. Repeat until you feel a sense of calm wash over you. This technique is called square breathing or box breathing.
2. Feet on the floor.
When you’re feeling anxiety, you can lose awareness of your own body and the details of your surroundings. Bringing your awareness back to your body and your surroundings can calm your nervous system and allow your brain to get accurate information about what is occurring, helping it discern the level of the response it needs. There are many ways to bring your awareness back to your body, but an easy one is to press your feet to the floor and become aware of the connection to solid ground. Another is to simply touch any object near you and notice the texture of it. Is it soft or hard, smooth or rough, warm or cold? Paying attention to your surroundings calms your nervous system and activates your thinking brain.
3. Naming.
Another way to bring awareness to your surroundings can be to start naming things around you. Identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste. Or count ceiling tiles or other recurring items in your environment. Notice colors and name 3 things that are orange, 3 that are yellow, 3 that are blue, etc.
4. Bilateral movement.
Any movement from one side of your body to the other and back forces the thinking part of your brain to activate, preventing you from getting stuck in fight/flight/freeze. You can create bilateral movement by tossing a stress ball, stone, pen, or anything like that from one hand to the other. You can also tap the toes on one foot and then the other back and forth. Or sway from side to side.
5. Soothing sounds.
Sounds are a key player in sending signals to your brain. Much of the input we get from our surroundings is through sound. And, just like a sound can activate fight/flight/freeze, sound can send signals to your brain that you are OK. Find a calming sound to play on your phone – check out YouTube and search calming sounds, binaural beats, sound frequencies, or ambient sound. You’ll find everything from instrumental music to nature sounds.
6. Change scenery.
If something in your environment may have triggered your anxiety, go to a different room or head outside. Changing your environment can help your nervous system feel safe again.
7. Smells.
Certain smells signal your brain to calm. Find calming essential oils that you like and dab some on your wrists or neck to bring a calming aroma therapy to the space you’re in. Popular calming scents are eucalyptus, lavender, and chamomile.
Stage 2: Using your thinking brain
Once you have calmed your nervous system, you should start to feel better, but this is only the beginning of what you need to do in order to effectively manage your anxiety. While the first stage helps you get some immediate relief and prevent your fight/flight/freeze from taking over, the second stage uses the thinking part of your brain that you activated in the first stage so that you can learn how to identify unhelpful thoughts that might be creating or proliferating the anxiety. Here are some examples of what not to do as well as some solutions as to how to think differently.
Don’t focus on the worst possible outcomes. Instead, focus on what could go right.
Don’t downplay the good things that happen to you. Instead, celebrate every little accomplishment and good thing. Remind yourself that every situation has some good things about it to be grateful for.
Don’t assume that everything will go wrong. Just because one thing goes wrong doesn’t mean the rest of the day will be bad. Allow for something to go wrong without it ruining your day.
If you find yourself thinking about something over and over again, schedule a time to think about it rather than allowing yourself to ruminate on it when ever it pops into your head. Then, once you’ve scheduled time to think about it, when you find yourself thinking about it, remind yourself that you don’t need to think about it right now because you’ve scheduled time to think about it later.
Don’t assume that others are thinking negative things about you or judging you. Most people don’t matter enough for you to put any time or energy or importance into what they’re thinking.
Don’t try to control things that you simply have no control over. Accept that there are some things that are out of your control, and focus on controlling the things you can.
When you start to worry about the future, refocus on what you can do in the present. Remind yourself that all you can do is the next right thing.
Don’t overplay things in your head. Too many details and trying too hard to control the plan can lead to feeling anxious. Instead, have a general plan, let things happen, and go with the flow.
Stop comparing yourself to others. Comparison can really make you feel like you aren’t living up. No one is perfect and everyone struggles, so just focus on where you’re at and don’t compare yourself to where others are at.
Ask yourself “How bad is it really?” And rate it on a scale of 1-10. You might find that it’s not that big of a deal.
Journal about it. Transferring anxious feelings onto paper can get it out of your head and force you to keep playing the tape forward instead of it getting stuck on a loop in your head with no end to the rumination.
Don’t let yourself ruminate. Distract yourself, thinking of something you can do instead. Then do it.
Seek out positive messages. “You are what you eat” doesn’t only apply to food. The messages you intake throughout the day will form your perspective, thinking patterns, and beliefs. Don’t reinforce unhelpful ways of thinking by intaking junk. Instead, feed yourself healthy, new perspectives that help change your thinking: listening to podcasts, reading positive books, listening to encouraging music, or watching uplifting movies or shows can help form new pathways in your brain for healthier thinking.
Don’t let anxiety stop you from taking care of yourself. When you do things to take care of yourself, you’ll feel better about yourself. Choose something each day that you can look forward to at the end of the day to end on a good note, whether it’s taking a relaxing bath or doing a butt-kicking workout.
Don’t be hard on yourself. Instead, tell yourself what you would tell a friend if they came to you with the situation that you have anxiety about. Just like you can help others, you can help yourself.
Move around: go for a walk, clean, pace the floor, get up and go to the kitchen/bathroom/any room. Movement produces endorphins that improve mood and focus.
Don’t inflate the severity of whatever it is you are anxious about. Consider: “what’s the worst that could happen?” And you might find that the worst thing that could happen really isn’t that bad.
Don’t reinforce negative thinking. Instead, choose some mantras that you can use to reassure yourself:
I am safe and in control
I will let go of what I can’t control
I have done this before, and I can do it again
This too shall pass
Not my circus, not my monkey
I am strong
I trust myself
I am capable
I will take things one day at a time
I can inhale peace and exhale worry
This feeling is only temporary
I am doing the best I can and that is enough
I can handle whatever comes my way
Stage 3: Permanent/deep repairs
While improving your thinking may help with what you’re dealing with moment by moment, the third stage of managing anxiety is all about figuring out the roots of what might be triggering the anxiety and problem-solve what to do about it. Here are some possibilities:
Living with someone who is negative and critical
Trying hard to do the right things but feeling like you can’t get it right
Having someone in your life who you are trying not to upset
Having someone in your life you are striving to make happy, make them proud of you, or make them appreciate you
Allowing others to define your self-worth
Fear of CRAP (Criticism, Rejection, Abandonment, and Punishment)
Unhealed childhood wounds that you are subconsciously trying to nurse or soothe
Looking to others to get your needs met
Feeling like you can’t be honest
Having a hard time saying “no”
Pressure to agree with people or say or do what they want
Wanting to control things that you can’t control (others’ behavior, the future, the past, others’ thoughts)
Quitting alcohol use or any other depressant (getting rid of a depressant temporarily increases anxiety)
Fear of the unknown
Worry about the future
Regrets about the past
A history of treating anxiety or stress with substances instead of using natural coping strategies
When you’re ready to get some natural, substance-free support to manage your anxiety, go ahead and schedule a session. You’ll be living worry-free in no time! (Just kidding, no one is free from worries…. but you WILL know how to get through it and feel like you’re able to manage it successfully.)