Are You In Recovery or Are You Sober?

When a person is making changes to their alcohol and drug use, it’s important to understand the difference between sobriety and recovery because, while recovery sets a person up for permanent changes in their substance use and the improved life most people are looking for, sobriety may not provide that. That’s because sobriety is abstinence from alcohol or other drugs without the necessary personal growth that makes permanent sobriety and a better life much more possible, while recovery is active engagement in personal growth, a mindset shift, community support, and discovering purpose to create the life you want.

Sometimes individuals who are new to sobriety experience a confidence that they will never use alcohol or drugs ever again no matter what. They may have such bad memories of their substance use that they feel sure that they will never use again. It feels good to be confident in your decision, but everyone is capable of relapse. All it takes to relapse is a hard season of life, a temptation, or an unforeseen situation with the wrong people and anyone can find themselves slipping.

Being ignorantly confident in your sobriety without having the new lifestyle and mentality to back up that confidence can lead you to think that you can be in risky situations (with people, places, or things) and remain sober. You may think that you don’t have to avoid those situations and may even know that they’re risky and stay in them just to prove that you can stay sober. But no matter how confident you are, if you are sober and not in recovery, you are setting yourself to slip. Even those in recovery stay active in their recovery activities and stay away from people, places, and things that are not aligned with their sobriety.   

Recovery goes way beyond abstinence from substances. Yes, abstinence (sobriety) is one piece of recovery: in order to be in recovery abstinence from substances is necessary. However, sobriety alone does not mean that you are in recovery.

When you are sober, you have eliminated all alcohol and drug use from your life, but that doesn’t mean that other unhealthy aspects of your life have changed. For example, you may still have unhealthy relationships, struggle to emotionally regulate, continue to be dishonest or shift blame, or have issues of irresponsibility or procrastination that need to be addressed. In 12-step programs there is a phrase they use to describe someone who has stopped drinking but continues to display old patterns of behavior – they call that person a “dry drunk.” Those who display this “dry drunk syndrome” run the risk of relapsing because they have not made the necessary changes to their thinking or behavior in order to truly recover. They have changed their behavior but have not changed who they are. And in order to recover, you have to become someone other than the person who used alcohol or other drugs.

True recovery can be thought of as the act of “recovering” what was lost (or never gained) during addiction. Being in recovery involves healing mentally, physically, and emotionally. It is not enough to simply stop using - you need to change. The goal of recovery is for you to reach your full potential.

Here are 5 necessary aspects of recovery that are not part of sobriety:

1. A Changed Perspective

   Sobriety alone doesn’t address the underlying issues that contribute to addiction. Someone becomes susceptible to addiction as a result of trauma, unlearned coping mechanisms, unresolved anxiety, depression, and unhealthy relationship dynamics. These need to be addressed in order for someone to move from the emotional unhealth of addiction to a state of emotional wellness. Gaining perspective through support groups, counseling, mentoring, or even books, videos, or podcasts is key to changing old behavior and thought patterns.

2. A Changed Attitude

   Personal growth takes hard work and an investment of your time and focus in order to explore and adopt a healthier lifestyle. This requires a willingness to have an attitude that trusts the process and believes that change is achievable and desirable.

3. A Change in People

   For most people, addiction doesn’t happen in a vacuum, and neither can recovery. Addiction requires a network of people who aid the use of substances: liquor stores, friends, drug dealers, acquaintances, and personal enablers. Recovery, too, requires a network of people who can help you learn how to live differently, encourage you, walk you through challenges, and hold you accountable. Recovery may be a personal journey, but it is not achieved in isolation. In order to truly be in recovery, your network of people has to change from those who contributed to your addiction to those who are contributing to your recovery.

4. A Change in Thinking

   While in active addiction, you may not even realize that your thinking is not conducive to a satisfying lifestyle. You may think it’s just your behavior that has to change. But your behavior stems from unhealthy thinking. Therefore, recovery from addiction requires a change in thinking. It involves addressing underlying mental health issues, past traumas, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and unhealthy relationships.

5. A Changed Life

   Sobriety provides a stepping stone for a substance-free life, but recovery opens the door to discovering purpose and meaning in your life. Recovery is about creating a satisfying lifestyle, choosing good relationships, pursuing goals, and aligning with your values. True recovery involves discovering what you enjoy, setting goals, and having a sense of purpose. You need to be able to envision a future, not just get through each day.

Sobriety does not create the changes necessary for the sustained abstinence that comes from creating a lifestyle without alcohol, drugs, or maladaptive thinking or behaviors. Recovery makes a better life possible. So, sobriety or recovery – which one will you choose?